Links and Questions
First off, I mentioned in my last blog that I’d be chatting with David-Matthew Barnes on his People You Should Know Radio show. Well, I did, and I had a great time! For those of you who listened in, thank you! For those of you who missed it, you can check it out here http://www.blogtalkradio.com/pysk/2013/01/15/people-you-should-know-1
Second, I got to take part in a fun feature over at Women and Words called 1 Question, 20 Answers. This week’s question was “Where do you write? Show us your workspace.” You can check out my answer along with the the answers of a lot of other great authors at http://lesbianauthors.wordpress.com/2013/01/16/1-question-20-answers-january-2013/
Finally, a couple weeks ago I asked people to send me some questions they’d like to see addressed on this blog and I got some really great ones on a variety of topics. I wish I could answer them all at once, but that would sort of defeat the purpose of a series, right? So I wanted to pick the most pressing one to start with this one from Anne “Would love to talk about self help and 12 step programs…is healthier to leave the relationship or hang in and change yourself for the better/ when does it start hurting the kids?”
First off, if you are in danger get out. If someone is hurting you or threatening you, or even implying they might hurt you, run don’t walk away from that situation. We don’t live in a world were we can ignore even a hint of violence. Likewise, if your situation has deteriorated to the point that you fear you might hurt yourself or someone else, please get help now. This is a good place to start looking for resources http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm but you can also check your local phone book or dial 911.
Aside from a situation that involves danger to yourself or others, I can’t tell you when to leave or stay in a relationship. Every partnership has ups and downs, and every person’s path to self-fullfillment is different. Likewise, a person’s faith, or lack thereof will likely play a huge role in what type of relationships they want to build and which ones they believe can and should be dissolved. While I am someone who writes a great deal on the subject of love and partnerships I am wholly unqualified to tell anyone what their journey should look like for them. I have very strong opinions on matters of marriage and divorce, but that’s all they are, my opinions. I will say that maintaining a relationship is hard work, and dissolving them can be equally hard both emotionally and logistically especially with children involved. I suggest you not make either decision quickly or lightly.
Finally, and this is perhaps the only position I feel qualified to make based on my work, don’t make a decision of this magnitude on your own! In LoveLife I wrote about a life coach and through my research process I really learned the value of their skill sets. The ability to ask for help is something to be proud of, and it’s very smart. A life coach won’t tell you the “answer” but he or she will help you take an honest, objective, and organized look at who you are and who you want to be, then help you adapt your life to meet those goals. I know several wonderful coaches who specialize in a lot of different areas and I would be happy to recommend one for you if you send me and e-mail at Rachel_Spangler@yahoo.com