Let the Countdown Begin

Hey Folks,

We’re now less than 7 weeks from the full release of LoveLife, a fact I keep forgetting because I’m also 5 weeks from my wedding day, and one week from an editing deadline. LoveLife has been off my desk for a while now, and other characters have been demanding my attention.  Such is life in the slow world of publishing.  It’s easy for a story that’s out of sight to be out of mind.  However, as things in both my personal life and my professional life begin to pick up, I find Joey and Elaine aren’t actually out of my mind at all.

I’ve missed every set of characters I’ve ever written, but then another set of characters catches my interest and I’m swept away again.  The same has not been true with Joey and Elaine. I still feel their influences in my life almost daily.  Perhaps it’s that Elaine is tied to Diane for me, so I think of her often when we’re together, but there’s also Joey’s coffee-house in Buffalo that I’ve come to use as my go-to retreat when I get frazzled.  Then there’s spot in Buffalo where one of the pivotal scenes occurs that I still return to when I need inspiration, and I have a whole set of life-coaching vocabulary I learned while researching sessions, and I now employ it to frame problems/solutions in my own life.  Not a day goes by that I don’t feel their influence.

I suppose it’s fitting that the characters stay on with me even after I dismissed them.  They were never really mine to command.  I never willed them into existence.  I was working on another project when they sprang from my forehead fully formed.  I never had to drum up ideas for their backgrounds or flesh out their details. They were just there.  I’ve already posted about the strange sequence of events leading to the inspiration of LoveLife, but the magic didn’t end there.  The story poured out according to it own purpose, leaving me to feel less like a writer and more like a medium. It’s as if the moment Diane said, “Everything happens for a reason” LoveLife took on a life of its own.

Consequently, LoveLife also has its own theme song.  I always write to music, my main characters all have theme songs, and most of the stories have full soundtracks (I’ll be blogging more about this one soon), but I’ve never had a theme song for my own process until now.

The song is All The Way by Indigo Girls, and it reflects my relationship to the story, to the characters, and to the way they’ve come and stayed in my life.  I particularly love the dual imagery of the “crash course,” both in the sense of a collision and as a chance to learn sometime very quickly. With Joey and Elaine I still find myself simultaneously marveling and wondering about how “I took the crash course impact, but have I learned all that I’m supposed to learn?”

All The Way Lyrics

I wasn’t looking to shift my direction
My eyes straight ahead hands ten and two
The gravity of our first connection
Veering off the road and into you
All the people drive by slowly gawking at the scene
Of the smoldering inevitable spark and gasoline

All the way I met you head on full speed
At the heart the blue flame burns
All the way I took the crash course impact
But have I learned all that I’m supposed to learn

No amount of playing safe could save me from this day
The heat seeking path of my trajectory
Didn’t we coolly divest of predestination
Slamming into futures we can’t see
I know what can happen when there’s more than meets the eye
But there’s no way to avoid it just get in the car and drive

All the way I met you head on full speed
At the heart the blue flame burns
All the way I took the crash course impact
But have I learned all that I’m supposed to learn

It makes me laugh talking over tea
When I can still smell the smoke on my sleeve
Steaming like gunsmoke the wreckage of our past
The scene of a crime I still can’t leave
Oh you and me, we should let well enough be
But each revisitation points to clues
There’s the oil slick of uncertainty
And warning signs back there we didn’t use
At least we laugh about it now how we escaped alive
It’s remarkable the mess we make and what we can survive

All the way I met you head on full speed
At the heart the blue flame burns
All the way I took the crash course impact
But have I learned all that I’m supposed to learn

Search Terms of the Month

So my last post was kind of heavy and you guys responded awesomely.  I can’t thank you enough for all the love and support you’ve shown me this week, but the least I can do is offer you a chuckle this morning.  So I am stealing an idea from the blog www.butchwonders.com (It’s a good blog. You should check it out.) and sharing some of my favorite search terms for the month.

Search terms are things people have entered into a search engine and that led them to click on this blog.  I’ve always been privately amused by some of the ones that pop up on my stats page, and now you can be, too.  Let me know if you enjoy this, and maybe I’ll make it a monthly feature.

“Is Diane Gaidry Gay” (I’ve seen no evidence of this, and believe me, I’ve been watching closely.)

“Georgia Beers’ Bonnie” ( 11 people are looking for Bonnie, and they know she is property of Georgia.)

“Are lesbian Farmers Funny?” (All the ones I know are hilarious, but that’s just Catherine Friend.)

“Seduction by tickling” (Hey 4 people who searched for this. Does it work?)

“Georgia Beers + Erin Cummings” (Yummy)

“Georgia Beers + Erin Cummings + Diane Gaidry” (Now you’re just getting greedy, folks.)

“First Step toward world domination” (Don’t worry, I’ve already taken it.)

“Are bois sexy” (Why yes, yes we are.)

“Len Barot Personal Life” (Yeah, like you’re going to find that on the internet.)

“Does Pampered Chef support Gays” (Well it’s certainly supporting this one.)

“Father to son catches ball” (Seriously, 3 of you, how many pages of google did you have to go through to land here?)

“Melissa + Brayden + Texas + lesbian + author” (Don’t forget super + pretty.)

There you have it folks – I bet you didn’t know all the ways Wonderboi Writes could help you on the google.  Next time you need a sexy pampered chef boi to take the first step toward world domination through seductive tickling, come here first!

A Celebrity Is Not A People

I’ve had a wonderful week!  Our dear friend (and Jackson’s Big Papi) Will has been in town.  We’ve spent several days on the ski slopes and we made a trip up to Buffalo to shop and see the Muppet movie.  During the show, the Muppets are trying to kidnap someone to act as a celebrity host for their show when Kermit says it’s wrong to kidnap people.  One of the Muppets replies, “A celebrity is not a people.”   Everyone laughed.

The next day we headed back to the ski hill and continued our family vacation.  Friday afternoon when I finally got settled in back at home and started going through my e-mails,  I wasn’t laughing any more.  Amid the literally 1,000+ e-mails were all the usual suspects.  Politicians, charities, petitions to signs, notes from friends, listserv chatter, my mother forgot my textplus number (again), my editor has a question, my publisher needs some paperwork. and a few nice letters from some readers.  I set about deleting some messages, replying to the time sensitive ones and setting aside some to answer when Will goes home today.  But as is becoming more and more the case, there’s a small pile of emails I’m just not sure how to respond to.

Recently I ran a series of funny blogs about the role Diane Gaidry played in the writing of LoveLife.  Well, at least I thought it was funny.  Diane and I have become friends.  I enjoy her company and value her opinions.  We are, however, not an item, not besties, and contrary to google search terms, I am not stalking her from the bushes.  What’s more, I will not give you her address. I will not give you her cell phone number, and I will not tell you what she feels like to hug.  I have been shocked and a little scared by the e-mails I’ve gotten to that effect. Perhaps it’s my fault for trying to set a humorous tone, but you see, despite the fact that Diane is a celebrity, she’s also a person.  I recently told her she was too famous for me to post about anymore because I couldn’t handle the aftermath. Guess I just broke that rule.

While we’re on the topic of famous friends, I’m also very blessed to know Georgia Beers.  Her name is the number two search term on the blog, and her website is my number one reference link, so I think most of you know we’re close.  She is one of the few lesbians I actually consider myself to be very close with, and I get that sometimes that sparks some interest.  We both laugh at the  jokes about her wife, Bonnie, killing me, because that’s what they are, jokes.  I love and respect Bonnie and like to think she feels the same for me. When someone told us there were rumors about our relationship, we laughed, and another writer friend said, “We all know you two started those rumors yourself.”   So naturally I didn’t take it seriously when someone asked me if the rumors were true.  When she pushed harder, I was bemused. I got a little pissed off and thought, “well if they were, I certainly wouldn’t tell you and left it at that.  But now I’ve begun to suspect what pissed me off wasn’t the rumor but the entitlement behind it. Despite her celebrity, Georgia Beers is a person.  So too is her wife and my wife and my son and her niece.  Still, I assumed people just felt entitled to personal information about famous women like Diane and Georgia, and they has misread my humor as opening the door for them.

I thought the trouble started with joking about my more famous friends. I blamed myself. Joking is all fun and good. We all do it, but I’ve started to wonder if maybe some folks just don’t get it. But then I got a Facebook message that wasn’t at all funny.  A reader had emailed me earlier in the week to say she’d enjoyed one of my books.  Then she emailed again to accuse me of being too big to e-mail her back.  She said I must not care about the “little people” and she’d think twice about ever buying my books again.  I was shocked and hurt.  I didn’t respond right away.  I didn’t know how to.  My immediate impulse was to defend myself by explaining I’d been on vacation, and apologize, but why?  Should I apologize for taking a few days to give my attention to my family? Or for occasionally being stretched a little thin? Should I be sorry for not being on call, for not working on her schedule? I alway work very hard to answer every e-mail.  I try to be open and available with blogs and Facebook and e-mails.  Anyone who takes 5 minutes to get to know me usually says, if anything, my problems stem from being too open, too light, too playful.

I’m terribly frustrated. Maybe “celebrity is not a people,” but I’m not even really that famous. Since when do I fall into the category of someone who must be on call 24/7? I am not a surgeon or a medical courier.   No one’s life or livelihood depends on my being available around the clock.  I don’t even have a real cell phone, just a pay-per-minute number I keep in the car for emergencies.  My extended family doesn’t even have unfettered access to my life.  When did complete strangers start to feel entitled to demand I drop everything to respond to them or give them private information?

Maybe some people really do believe “celebrity is not a people,” or maybe we’ve just grown accustomed to not seeing anyone as a person. I suppose it’s possible we just live in a society that’s used to no limits and instant gratification, but I’m not okay with it. I am a person. I have a family full of people. My friends are people. And my readers are people too. We have jobs and interests and responsibilities and passions.  We all make mistakes, we all do great things, we all get overwhelmed, and we all deserve a break.  Maybe the readers who’ve emailed lately have been overwhelmed, or have had bad days, or maybe they really wanted a piece of someone they don’t have  a right to take, but either way my response is the same. I do not regret working with Diane or being friends with Georgia or taking a vacation with my family, and I will not allow myself to be made to feel guilty about those things anymore.

From now on instead of apologizing for not being at someone’s beck and call, I’m going to stay, “Celebrity IS a people.” We are all people, and that’s how we deserve to be treated.

10 for my Twenties

I’m not big on personal countdowns or New Years resolutions, but it is the time of year for lists, and I love me a list!  I love to write them and read them and cross things off them. Some times I make lists after the fact just to cross it off.  I love grocery lists and chore lists and top ten lists.  I especially love my bucket list.   I made it about a year ago on www.bucketlist.org and I’ve added a lot of things along the way.  I haven’t, however, actually crossed much off of it.

You see, unless you have  terminal illiness (which thank G-d I do not) most of us don’t have  a sense of urgency about kicking the bucket.  I always assume I’ll get to those bucket list items eventually, some time in the next 30, 40, or 50 years, but today I’m too busy, too tired, too poor, or too lazy.  It’s easy to just let your goal take a back seat.

Then last week, I went ahead and crossed something off my list.  Susie and I played craps at a casino, which let me meet my goal of learning how to place three separate bets at a craps table.  It was intimidating, and I lost $30 over all, but mostly it was fun.  We laughed, we learned, my heart beat a little fast, and my wife and I had something new to talk about for a few days.   It felt good to move that item to the “Complete” column of my bucket list.

The whole experience reminded me that I don’t want to wait forever to try the things I’m interested in doing.  I need to keep myself motivated right now.  There are plenty of other good motivators other than death.   For one, I’ll be turning 30 in October.  That’s a milestone right?  A time when people reflect and set new goals.  Instead of dreading it, why not charge toward a new decade in my life by ending my twenties with a year of memory making?  So I went to my bucket list and I picket out 10 goals I think are fun (and still reasonably accomplishable) goals for my ten months, and this is what I came up with:

Try Curling

Ride A Zipline

Go To A Hookah Lounge

Go To A Drive-In Movie

Go A Whole Week Without Using A Car

Fry A Turkey

Sky Dive

Get Down to my ideal BMI (21.5)

Learn How To Tie a Bow Tie

Pay For A Stranger’s Dinner

Over the next ten months, I plan to start tackling these items one by one, and I promise to post about each adventure as I complete it.  However, I don’t want to go this alone.  Adventures are always more fun with friends, so I’d like for you guys to share some of your own goals for the next years, and then promise that you’ll report back here or on your own blogs/websites/facebook too.

Some of your goals may be the same as mine, or they may be completely different, but I’d really love to see you chase them.  Will you join me?

25 Songs of Christmas: Day 25 Silent Night

Another holiday comes to a close. I hope your day was a wonderful as mine, and a tad more relaxing. Now, the company is gone, the toys stacked up as neatly as possible, the boy is in bed (if not asleep).  There’s nothing left but silent reflection on the blessings laid before me.

May the peace of Christ reign over you, now and always.

 

 

25 Songs of Christmas: Day 24 – Oh Holy Night

It’s Christmas Eve, the night divine.  This is my favorite night of the year.  In a sanctuary filled with golden light, 2000 some years after the fact I can still sense the coming of Christ and my soul feels its worth. It’s humbling, and awe inspiring.  I do want to fall on my knees and hear the angels voices.  His law is love and His gospel is peace, and I’m overwhelmed with both, my prayer is that you are too on this holy night.

25 Songs of Christmas: Day 23 – In The Bleak Midwinter

We’re getting down to the real heart of the season and in the true sense of Advent I seek to prepare myself for the coming birth of Christ, and His rebirth in my heart, or my rebirth through that love.   This is one of those songs that transcends the material and touches something deep inside me.  I’ve listened to several versions in the last half hour and could just about cry at each of them.  The lyrics are so beautiful, I feel the timeless threads weaving their way from centuries past and into my own consciousness.

Even if you don’t consider yourself a spiritual person, take a few moments to open yourself to the beauty and magic of this moment.  Close your eyes, breathe deeply, listen carefully. Do you feel the ancient spirit pushing at your heart?

25 songs of Christmas: Day 22 – Grown up Christmas List

More catching up here.

This song is sort of a modern day classic. I like how the idea of our Christmas dreams (hopefully) evolve as we grow up, but the hope we attach to them still remains magical. Lots of artist have good versions but this one was recommended to me on my facebook page and I really enjoyed it.  I hope you do too.

25 Songs of Christmas: Day 21 – I’ll be home for Christmas

Sorry I’ve fallen behind again.  Our Hanukkah celebrations got the better of me  We’ve had a great time skyping with friends from around the country and catching up with our families now that we’re home.   Being around the people we love is without a doubt one of the best parts of this season.  It’s a blessing to be able to afford to travel, its a blessing to have the job flexibility to take time off, its a blessing to be healthy enough to make a long trip, and its a blessing to have a safe welcoming place to come home to.

This time of year I’m so aware that not everyone shares those blessings with me.  I had tears in my eyes as I read about the last of our combat troops leaving Iraq this week, that’s a lot more people having the holidays with their families, but there’s still members of the armed forces scattered across the globe.  There’s people working for organizations that promote the peace, and the health and safety of others spread around the world.  There’s also firefighters, nurses, doctors and other essential professionals who work shifts away from their own celebration because they are needed.  There’s people who can’t afford a few days off, or a bus ride needed to get home.  There are people who are too sick, or overwhelmed to travel. There’s folks who aren’t welcome in the homes they once cherished and some who have no home to go to anymore.   If you’re one of those people, I want you to know, I’m thinking of you tonight, and you’re in my prayers always.

If only in my dreams…

 

25 Song of Christmas (er Hanukkah): Day 20 – Happy Joyous Hannukah

We made it safely to Illinois!  Susie is shopping with her mom and sister.  Jackie is making Christmas with my mom and I’ve just finished polishing the menorah.  The holidays abound here

Hanukkah will start tonight at sundown, and while we’re having our big celebration for the festival of lights on Thursday, I don’t want to wait another minute to share this toe-tapping tune.

Sorry the sound quality isn’t the best, but I think the energy of the live performance more than makes up for it.